I have spent the last couple of days looking back on this blog. It has gone from being a blog to tell prospective birth parents a little about ourselves and our families, to a rarely updated document of our lives. Looking at past blog posts I have been thinking about the things that were going on around the time of each post. It started with us optimistically hoping to start our family through adoption (following years of struggling to conceive both on our own and with the aid of fertility treatments). I was pretty consistent with posts during the first several months, right up until I faced the most difficult trial I have ever (and probably will ever) face in my life. It was something I faced, mostly privately, with only a few family members aware of what was going on. Even today, very few know about that trial.  I learned so much about myself over the course of that following year.  While I wish I'd never had that experience, I have such a strong testimony of the atonement and the importance of forgiveness.  While I was experiencing such deep heartache, my brother in law and sister in law (who is one of my very best friends) experienced what will probably be their greatest trial with the loss of their sweet boy to cancer.  Later we were able to share what we had each learned about the atonement.  I also realized that my not having children had been a blessing, though in the thick of it I didn't realize it.  Had I had children I would not have been able to spend countless hours and sleepless  nights helping at the hospital helping.  It wasn't until two months after my nephew passed away when I found out I was pregnant, naturally, that I realized what a blessing it had been. It is now nearly three years later and I have been blessed with two sweet boys. While this last year has been difficult at times, some far more than others, I have been blessed, immeasurably, with amazing people in my life.  People who have known what I needed, even when I didn't. Now, with our two little boys, we are starting a new life as a military family. Over the next six months we will experience separation, personal growth (through different means, but at the same time), and a move away from everything and everyone that we know.  I am both terrified and excited by this new adventure.  I often wonder whether I have the strength that it takes, but looking back, I remember that even if I don't have it now, The Lord will make sure I do when the time comes.

I make no promises, but it hope to be able to take the time to record our journey and keep everyone informed with what we are up to and where we end up over the next few years.

We've been busy

So, since our last post we have added another family member. I can't believe it! Jacob Robert joined our family two weeks ago on his due date via induced labor (such an easy and short labor). He was 8lbs 11oz, 21 inches and absolutely adorable. We are so blessed.

Update!

Where has the time gone?!?  I can't believe I haven't posted since May!  A lot has happened since then. 

Jackson learned to sit up on his own and started crawling, Asher had a schedule change and is back on graveyard (super lame),  Asher turned 30, we had an 80th birthday fiesta for my grandma (Grams), my sister and her family came out for a visit, Jackson had his first kiss, both Jackson and I had haircuts, Jackson turned 1, and has taken his first steps (though, thankfully, he isn't walking)!  In between that were a few trips to the zoo, lots of playing, lots of eating, lots of growing, and lots of fun.  I have such a sweet, loving, handsome boy.  I love being his mommy and sharing him with my family. 

My Little World (not really) Traveler

Jackson and I have been busy the last few months.  Once I got out of the fog of new motherhood, sleepless nights, etc., and after my surgery for mastitis (yeah, not the greatest of experiences...), Jackson and I took a couple of road trips. The first one was a trip to Oklahoma, we brought daddy along for that one.  In March we drove out to Norman, OK to visit Asher's extended family.  We wanted to introduce Jackson to his great grandparents, and while we were there he got to meet cousin Ruthie, too.  It was a nice trip, spent mostly visiting with Asher's grandparents.  It was so neat to see Jackson interact with his great grandparents, who just adored him. 

After our fun in Oklahoma, we spent two weeks at home before Jackson and I headed to Las Vegas to visit my sister and her family.  My brother-in-law accepted a promotion and transfer to Las Vegas in October, just before Jackson was born, and so my sister and her family moved in February.  The move was a good one for them but it was hard to see them go since I've spent so much time with my niece and nephews and I'm so close to my sister.  So, I jumped at the first chance to go visit them.  We rode out with my parents, and spent a full week at their house.  Jackson loved the attention he got from his big cousins, (my sister's youngest is 10 years older than Jackson).  I enjoyed the time with my sister, and had a good laugh about the "celebrity" sightings we had.  My sister lives close to the Brown family from TLC's Sisterwives, so we saw Kody Brown one morning after he'd dropped some of his kids off at school, while we watched Savannah walk to school (my sister lives right across the street from the elementary school), we also saw one of his wives, Janelle, picking up kids after school, and two of his teenagers after school, while picking up Talon from the high school.  We didn't really do anything particularly exciting, we did some shopping, but most of our time was spent running around with the kids, looking at model homes (my sister is trying to decide which neighborhood to purchase a home in since they are renting right now), and just hanging out at her house. 

On the last day we were there it was hot enough outside for the sun to heat the pool and spa in their backyard so Jackson got to go swimming for the first time.  It was so nice to be with them, and we can't wait until they come visit us in two months. 



Happy 6 Months!!!

This adorable little boy will be 6 months old tomorrow! The past six months have flown by. He has changed and grown so much. He has such a fun, happy, sweet personality and I am loving watching it develop. Jackson and I will be heading to Las Vegas tomorrow with my parents to go visit my sister and her family. This will be Jackson's second road trip in the last month. He is such an easy little travelor. Love this little boy!

Jackson's Birth

Okay, so here is the story. Its pretty uneventful but I'm grateful for that. I had an OB appointment on Wednesday, October 12. While I was there my OB could see that I was ready to have my baby so he said we could talk induction, but first he had to check me. (I should point out that I was hoping to have my sweet Jackson on Friday, October 14. That had been y "goal" for about the last two months of my pregnancy. I was hoping he would induce me that day if I hadn't gone into labor.) So after checking me, I was only 1cm dialated and 70% effaced, he decided my cervix was not where he wanted it to be for an induction, so the plan was to come back on Friday to be checked again. At that appointment he was going to determine whether I would come in Sunday night to help my cervix soften or whether I would come in on Monday morning and go right to the pitocin. While he was checking my cervix my OB did strip my membranes. His goal was to encourage my cervix to finish softening so that at my Friday appointment he could tell me to come on in on Monday morning.

I went home from my appointment a little bummed, because I was hoping to be able to be induced on Friday. Neither my OB, nor myself expected stripping my membranes would do much. I spent the rest of the afternoon with small contractions, which I was told was common after having membranes stripped, but they went away as the day went on. They were completely gone by the time I went to bed.

Thursday morning I woke up and had breakfast, feeling pretty good. As the morning went on I started havin little contractions again. I decided to get up and start doing things around the house, so I vacuumed the house, stairs and all, swept and mopped the kitchen floor, did the dishes, etc. I would take breaks in between and noticed that my contractions were constant no matter what my activity level was, a good sign. I still didn't think I was actually in labor but I knew I was heading in the right direction and was hopeful that maybe I'd go into laor over the weekend.

The contractions continued, irregularly throughout the day. Right about the time Asher got home from school, around 7:30 my contractions started to become pretty regular and started to gain strength. We started timing them, they were coming about every five minutes and lasted anywhere from 45 to 80 seconds. I was instructed to call when they had been every five minutes or less and lasting 60 seconds or more for two consecutive hours. Around 8:30 I had about 7 minutes between contractions so we started over. About 8:45 I decided to take a shower, just in case. I would shout out to Asher when a contraction started and then when it ended. I got out of the shower and my contractions were really picking up in intensity. I got dressed and just laid on my left side. At that point I decided maybe we should call, even though it hadn't been two strait hours. While talking to the on-call service I had to pass the phone off to Asher due to the strength of my contractions. The on-call doctor called back about five minutes later and started asking Asher questions about my last appointment. She asked him about my cervix and he turned to ask me, I just held up my hand to tell him it would be a minute before I could answer. He told the doctor it would be a minute because I was having a contraction, and she asked "you can tell she's having a contraction just by looking at her?" He said yes, and she told us to just come on in, so we grabbed our bag and a few other things and headed out the door.

We got to the hospital about 10 or 10:15 and they took me up to L&D where they had my room ready for me. We went in, I changed, etc., the nurse checked my cervix (I was 4cm) and they decided I needed to drink lots of water and walk for an hour, just to make sure I wasn't just dehydrated because they didn't want to admit me just to have no progress and end up having to send me home. The nurse did make a point to tell me she didn't think I'd be going home, but they had to cover their bases. So I got a big cup of water, drank it all and refilled it before we started walking.

We walked down to the cafeteria, and back up to the maternity floor. We checked out where the nursery was and walked around the post partum wing stopping for each contraction. After about 45 minutes we went back to our room so I could use the restroom. I told them I didn't think I could keep walking and they said that was fine, they would check me again. I was 6cm. They admitted me in and got me all hooked up.

We settled into our room and I called my parents to let them know we'd been admitted and we'd call them when I was dilated to an 8 or 9. The doctor came in and checked me and then left to perform a c-section. Shortly after we got all hooked up the alarms at the nurses station kept going off signaling an issue with Jackson's heart rate. The nurse came in and would move the fetal heart monitor, because his heart rate was not dropping like the alarm was indicating. This happened several ties and then they realized he had an arhythmea. They kept adjusting the heart monitor for about another hour and then decided to place an internal monitor.

I had been planning on and epidural but had to wait until the nurse anesthetician was finished with the c-section. I was given someting through my iv to help take the edge off. It was around midnight at this point. At 1 the nurse anesthetician came in to give me my epidural, he tried for an hour but couldn't get it in, so he decided we both needed a break and said he would come back later. Around 3 or 4, he came back to try again, after about 10 tries he finally got the epidural in. It only worked on one side and then wore off after about 2 hours. Between epidural attempts the nurse checked me again and I was dilated to an 8/9 and she broke my water so we called my parents and let them know. When she broke my water she told me there was meconium in the fluid, he was ready to come.

After a while the doctor came back in to check me again. I was still at an 8/9, and had been for a few hours. The doctor said she thought I would have had the baby hours ago, so she was going to put in a call to my OB and the OB that was coming in to replace her to discuss c-section. As soon as she left the room I started crying. I didn't go all night just to end up in a c-section. The doctor came back and decided to place something that would register the strength of my contractions more accurately. The nurses place the device, then turned me on my left side. Then came shift change. My new nurses decided that they were going to try moving me to my right side to see if that might push me that last little bit. Meanwhile my parents had arrived and been in to say hi, a couple of times, and were now waiting in the waiting room. Asher had gone out after the c-section was mentioned to fill them in and my grandma had just arrived with breakfast and my sister was on her way. My family didn't get another update.

After about 45 minutes on my right side I felt a REALLY strong urge to push, (I'd been fighting the urge for about 2 hours) and Asher went and told one of my nurses. She came in and checked me and declared I could push, thank goodness! I pushed a few times and then the new OB came in and everything started happening really fast. (I was thrilled because at this point I'd been awake for about 24 hours) They dropped the foot of the bed, and got me ready. Jacksons nurses came in as well as the respiratory team, since there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. I pushed for 10 minutes and out he came. He gasped at first, but then was able to breath on his own. They inserted a tube into his stomach to clear it of any meconium he may have swallowed but it came out clear. Yay! There were no complications as a result of the meconium. He was covered in green yuck, so his nurses cleaned him up before I held him while the doctor finished with me. I had to let the doctor know I could feel everything as she started to stitch me, ouch, and she looked up surprised and assured me they would give me a local then.

When they were done with me, Asher went and told my family and they all came in to meet the newest addition. The last baby born in my family was ten years before, so everyone was eager to meet Jackson. They visited and loved on Jackson until they came to take him to the nursery to warm him up. My niece and nephews and my brother-in-law showed up just as they were taking Jackson to the nursery and got to see him real quick before coming to say hi to me. Everyone left and I was taken to my post partum room where I waited for Asher to come back from the nursery. It was about 10 or 11 at this point so we ordered breakfast and ate. Right after we ate the nursery called to let Asher know they were going to give Jackson his first bath so he left me to go do that. The rest of the day was filled with visitors and getting to know our sweet little boy.

I will do a birth story eventually. Until then, here is a photo of the billboard advertisement Jacksons photo was picked for. It was up for one week.

Jackson David

Born 10/14/2011 at 8:13A.M. Weighed 8lbs 1oz, 21 3/4 inches long.

Let the crazy begin...

Asher starts another semester of school today...its not going to be fun for either of us. He has classes 4 evenings a week, which means he leaves every morning at 4:30 and won't be home until after 7 in the evening. He is beginning this just 8 weeks before our precious baby is due to arrive, our first, which will make it that much crazier. I'm trying my hardest to not let my anxiety over this crazy schedule show because I want to be as supportive and encouraging to Asher as possible, I know its not going to be easy on him. As a way to spend a little extra time together, I am getting up with him at 3:50 to keep him company while he gets ready and have a little breakfast with him. This semester will definitely test us, but I know it will be worth it. Asher will be that much closer to his degree (even though there is still many more semesters to go), and he is doing it while solely providing for our family which is something to be proud of. Thank goodness for family and friends close by, we will definitely need their help through this crazy semester and period of adjustment to parenting.

I just have to say I have loved knowing that we're having a boy. I never thought any different, but having the confirmation rom the ultrasound has made a huge difference. I am really enjoying calling our boy by name. I can't wait to see what kind of personality he is going to have.

Its a Blue World for Us

We had our big ultrasound today, and its quite obvious, its a BOY! I can't wait to start shopping and really planning for our little man. : )

Miracles

We have struggled with infertility for the past 4 years. We tried nearly everything before deciding to pursue adoption. We put fertility treatments on hold and focused our efforts on becoming approved for adoption, which we were. During this time, as most everyone knows, I spent a lot of time in the hospital with my nephew and sister-in-law while my nephew underwent chemo and radiation therapies for cancer. I have no doubt in my mind that I was meant to be available to them. As hard as it was to go year after year with no success from our fertility treatments, etc., and then the wait after our approval, I know that had we been blessed with children prior to Ayden's diagnosis I would not have been able to help as much as I was able to, as much as I wanted to. Just before Ayden was admitted to the hospital for seizures, as a result of his cancer spreading to his brain, we had to place our adoption profile on hold. At this time we decided that we wanted to try to conceice again. We assumed we were going to need to use some sort of fertility drug, but before I could schedule the appointment we discovered I was pregnant. I a now nearly 16 weeks and loving every minute of it. I truly feel this is the result of many little miracles and blessings over the course of the last year. I can see now why we were not meant to have children prior to this point and I'm grateful for what the Lord can see that I cannot. I feel so blessed to be able to experience this pregnancy and cannot wait to experience it as it progresses. I look forward to holding this little one in my arms within a few weeks of October 15.

So far 2011 is shaping up to be a pretty good year. We still think about our little buddy Ayden all of the time, I don't expect that to ever change. We love that little superman so much and can't wait to see him again someday.

We have had a few changes around our house. I quit my job in February so I am now a housewife. The decision didn't come lightly and it won't be without some trial, as we are down to one income, but it was a necessary decision. My plan is to (finally) start teaching piano to beginner students to help supplement our income. It will be nice because I will be at home and when we welcome a baby into our home it won't require major adjustments.

Really, aside from quitting my job things have been pretty casual for us. We hang out with friends and family on the weekend. Asher is busy with school and work during the week and I try to find things to keep myself busy. Really there's plenty for me to do, its just getting into the groove of things. I'm sure I'll get there but part of me just wants to be really lazy for a little while.

Anyway, we will have some more changes coming over the next few months but I'll post about them as they come.

2010

What can I say? 2010 was filled with many ups and downs. A part of me whishes it would have never ended, and yet I'm glad to see it go. We spent the first half of the year focused on getting our approval for adoption. I spent a good portion of that time and into the second half of the year at the children's hospital here in town with my sister(-in-law), nephew and niece while my nephew went through chemo and radiation therapy. The majority of that time was filled with ups.

We were approved for adoption, our nephew was responding well to his treatments. In October we experienced some hardships and had to place our adoption profile on hold for a bit. In November we found out our sweet nephew's cancer had spread to his brain. At that time we were told there was no hope for recovery. He spent several weeks in a medically induced coma. When he awoke he could no longer speak or walk and had very little control over his arms but he could smile, and it was beautiful. We were witnesses to several miracles and knew that he would be taken care of. As a family we knew that he would not be with us much longer but didn't know how much time we would have with him. On December 29 he was taken home to his Heavenly Father, where he joined some of his great-grandparents and his aunt Sarah. While we have a void in our lives where he once filled, we know where he is, that he is not alone, and that we will see him again.

So, I wish I could go back to the first half of the year of 2010 so I could enjoy my time with that sweet little boy and I could continue with our approval to adopt, but I look forward to this new year when we will be able to re-activate our profile and continue on our journey to adoption and we will be able to start a new life without our sweet Ayden while honoring his memory.

I hope 2011 will live up to it's potential and that we will get to experience the joy life has to offer.

Weekends

This past weekend was a busy one. On Friday we didn't do much. Asher went to the doctor to have his shoulder looked at because its been bothering him since he fell a while back. We'll find out about it in the next couple of days when the doc gets his x-rays. The rest of the day we spent watching FRIENDS and playing Five Crowns, a game we have grown to love. I couldn't have asked for a better Friday night.

Saturday I spent at my nephew T's soccer game. He is normally the starting goalie for his high school JV team but he was injured at his last game so he played the second half of this game. He played great and they won in overtime. Did I mention he's just a Freshman who is normally starting goalie for the JV team? I'm so proud of him. After the soccer game my sister, T, and I met my mom and Grams at Chic-Fil-A for lunch. My mom and Grams had been at my nieces soccer game, where their team tied. After a quick lunch we all went to my nephew B's football game. Another great game. B played really well, he's such a natural. They also won their game. I'm so proud of my nieces and nephews! I had a fantastic time with some of my family. While I was out at the games Asher stayed home to change the oil in his car and do some studying for school. I think he enjoyed his time to work on the things he needed to. Saturday night was spent the same as Friday night, watching FRIENDS and playing Five Crowns.

Sunday we spent at church, where we had a great time teaching our respective classes. After church we did a simple dinner of cold cereal and snacked over the course of the evening. It was cool enough to warrant turning on our gas fireplace and snuggling up together under some blankets while we watched FRIENDS again. I only wish the weekends could last longer. Its only Monday and I can't wait until next weekend!

Birthday Party

Ayden's favorite part and the only thing he talked about all week, PRESENTS!!! Sampson and I.

Asher and I

The Birthday Boy! Such a cutie!

Me (Rachel), Grammy (Asher's mom), and Kaylee (our niece)

Today we went to our nephew's birthday party. He turned four this week and it was so fun to get to celebrate his birthday with the family. It was extra special due to the fact that he was diagnosed with cancer in December, and while we have always remained optimistic, every day is a miracle with him. It was perfect timing for his birthday. He happened to be out of the hospital, feeling good, and the weather was beautiful. Watching him have such a great time was wonderful. He got some great toys and can't wait to play with them. I can't wait to celebrate his next birthday. We love our sweet nephew and are so happy to have him in our lives.

More Pics....

Here are a few more pictures of Asher and I.

Below are a couple of pictures of Asher and I at The Children's Hospital in Denver visiting our nephew who is undergoing chemo for cancer. He is the toughest kid we know and is fighting like a champ.

Asher and I with our niece and nephew.

Asher with our oldest nephew, who really needed a haircut ;). This was Christmas a few years ago, our first as a married couple.

This was our first Christmas after we were married.

Our animals looking out in our backyard. I think there was a bird on the roof of our garage.

Asher and I in the mountains during a day trip.

Asher and I in Mexico during a cruise for our first anniversary.

Pics

Here are a few pictures over the past couple of years. We don't have any recent ones but I will add pictures here and there to fill in the spaces between posts. Enjoy.

Asher with his dad, three of his brothers, a very sweet nephew, and maternal grandparents in Oklahoma, last year, in front of Grammy and Grandpa's house.

Asher and Sampson. I love these boys. :)

I fell asleep after studying. Of course the animals joined me for a nap. I am glad to be done with school, although I often think about continuing on with my Master's Degree.

These are some pictures of me with my sisters kids at Disneyland. We got to go a couple of years ago and had a great time. It was fun to watch my niece and nephews experience Disneyland for the first time. I was so happy to be with them during their first experience with something I have so many fond memories of. Growing up we went to Disneyland often and I loved it.

Visitors

Last weekend I had the pleasure of having my friend stay with me when she came into town for her sisters wedding. It worked out beautifully. I was so happy to have her stay with us because I would not have seen her otherwise. I love that I have the space to have guests stay in my home. :) We had a great time going to lunch one day and breakfast another day. It was so fun.

Today my parents and my grandma came over to have dinner with us and to see the guest room/future nursery now that it is painted. After dinner my sister and two of her kids stopped by because my nephew is selling coupon books for his high school soccer team. We were able to share dessert with them while they were here, which was a good thing because I ended up with a ton of leftover peach cobbler, even after sending some home with my sister for my other nephew and my bro-in-law. My niece and nephew asked if I would make it again the next time they spend the night and I can't say no to such a request, haha. It was yummy though. And for dinner I made Asher's favorite, Chicken Tetrazzini, which is something neither of my parents nor my grandma had ever had. I am so glad my mom taught me how to cook and encouraged me to help her make dinners so that I can make meals that my husband enjoys and someday my future kids will enjoy.

Random

I am sitting at home alone, because Asher is at work, and I am reading The Hunger Games, which my awesome friend Megan introduced me to last night leading to a special trip to Barnes and Noble today for a purchase, and I keep thinking of the movies I am so excited to see. I think the reason my mind keeps going to movies is because as I'm reading the book I am imagining it as a movie. I love my imagination when it comes to reading. :) Anyway, I am SO excited for the first part of HP and the Deathly Hollows. In my anticipation for it I have started reading the series over again (although I am taking a short break to read The Hunger Games) just to get me up to speed. Of course I'm also stoked for part one of Breaking Dawn, but I have to wait a bit longer for that. Every time I think of Breaking Dawn (or any of the Twilight Saga movies or books) I immediately think of the new movie Vampires Suck. I am such a huge (non-obsessive, haha) fan of the Twilight Saga and can easily laugh at myself so I am going to have to see Vampires Suck. Haha, now you know how nerdy I really am, but totally in a fun way. :)

By the way, we had a fantabulous time in Oklahoma, I will post pictures as soon as I get some copies (I am a genious and left the camera at home). Asher's grandparents were so surprised when they got to their anniversary party, which means it was a success. I love our trips out there. We have such supportive families. :)